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masarap talaga ang feeling ng IN LOVE... lahat naman tayo naiinlab...
pero marami sa atin ang INFATUATED lang... both LOVE and INFATUATION are sure to live as up to cloud 9... pero MAG-KA-I-BA sila...suriin
mo ang
nararamdaman mo... ang INFATUATION ay matinding paghanga...
it is an instant desire... matindi ang iyong pagnanais
na makasama ang isang tao...
samantala, ang PAG-IBIG ay tila nag-aalab na pagkakaibigan...
ika nga, it takes root
and grows one day at a time...
kusa itong sumisibol... hindi ito padalos-dalos o pabigla-bigla...
kpag ikaw ay INFATUATED,
may feeling ka of insecurity... hindi ka mapalagay...
oo nga at excited ka ngunit hindi ka totoong masaya...
sometimes,
you doubt him/her...
sometimes you always ask but seems to find no answer...
may mga bagay din tungkol sa kanya na
gusto mong malaman...
at pag hindi mo ito magustuhan, like hindi mo pala gusto yung taste of clothes niya,
you'd feel
very disappointed... it might shatter the image you've built about
him/her... LOVE, on the other hand, understands...
it knows that your loved one has imperfections...ito ang totoong pag-ibig...
binibigyan ka nito ng kalakasan... you even
feel his/her presence kahit na malayo siya... distance is not a hindrance for your love not to
grow...you're sure he/she
is with you in spirit... of course, you want him/her near...but near or far, you know he/she loves you as much as you love
him/her... you can wait for him/her...no matter what... when you're INFATUATED, you tend to say that you want to get married
as
soon as time possible... masasabi mo na," I can't afford to lose you!"....
samantala, when you're IN LOVE, you
don't rush into anything... you're patient...you don't panic... you plan your future carefully... INFATUATION is smart with
sexual excitement... you want constant intimacy with him/her...
samantala, LOVE is a maturation of friendship... it is
always best to be friends first before becoming lovers... pag INFATUATED ka,
iniisip mo na baka nagiging unfaithful na
siya sa'yo...
LOVE is trusting the other person... you know you can trust him/her... and by feeling this way, he/she even
becomes more trustworthy...
dahil INFATUATED ka,maaari kang makagawa ng mga bagay na maaari mong mapagsisisihan in the
end...
but with LOVE, you are sure of your every move... maginhawa ang iyong pakiramdam... you function well... nagiging
mas mabuti kang tao pag alam mo
na pag-ibig nga ang iyong nararamdaman... think about it...
think about the difference
between
LOVE and INFATUATION... you know, GOD is NOT a killjoy in love affairs...
LOVE is HIS idea... He wants you
to enjoy the REAL THING! but......you have to be WISE! or else, you might MISS it out...
worse, you'll just break hearts
or find yourself singing,
"sinaktan mo ang puso ko..."
after all, you're not settling for second best, right?
I wrote ur name in da sky but the wind blew it away,
I wrote ur name in the sand but the shore washed it away, I wrote ur name in my heart and forever it will
stay------by dana ordona
Many people enter their first
committed relationships during teenagers. On the one hand, romantic relationships can be wonderful, bringing out the best
in two people. On the other, even the healthiest relationships will have times when things are complicated, confusing, and
challenging. Problems sometimes arise when two people have conflicting expectations of what their relationship “should”
be like, are distracted by other academic or personal issues, or have difficulty communicating in ways that their partner
can really hear and understand.
While the early months of a relationship are often effortless and exciting, successful
long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. Because relationship skills are rarely “taught,”
sometimes one or both partners just may not know how to establish and maintain a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship.
Healthy communication
and conflict resolution in intimate relationships.
Strategies for weathering
the normal “stormy” times that occur in healthy, loving relationships.
Understanding how our
expectations impact relationships.
Concerns about the other
people and work/school demands in your partner’s life.
Seven basic steps for maintaining
a good relationship
Falling in Love
Building a Healthy Relationship from
the Start
It is not unusual for the first
months of relationships to be full of promise and relatively free of conflict. While some people experience the exhilaration
of meeting someone new and falling in love, other relationships build slowly or originate in a friendship that grows into
love over time. Falling in love casts our partner in the best possible light, and we often don’t notice or are willing
to overlook potential “rough spots.” Nonetheless, building a healthy relationship pattern early can establish
a solid foundation for the long run.
When you are just starting
a
relationship, it may be important to:
Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your
partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say “thank you” to their
partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.
Explore each other’s interests and passions so that you have a long list of things
to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner’s
feelings. Saying “I’m sorry” may be pretty hard in the moment but goes a long way towards healing a rift
in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and
actions.
As the months go by . . .
It
may be important to recognize that:
Relationships Change:
Relationships change over time.
What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been
together for some time. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship.
Even positive change tends to be stressful, but change is inevitable. Welcoming change as an opportunity to enhance the relationship
is more fruitful than trying to keep change from happening.
Check in Periodically:
With this in mind, periodically
set aside time to “check in with each other” on changing expectations and goals. These discussions are hardly
free of anxiety, and it is tempting to postpone them. Relationships are sometimes compared to boating on a river: Both partners
need to be paddling to stay on course. Couples can find that if they ignore difficult topics too long, their relationship
has drifted into “rocky waters” without their noticing. Strategizing together about changes can strengthen and
deepen the relationship you are building. And good communication is key . . .
When there is Conflict Between You and Your Partner
Disagreements in a relationship
are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable and normal that
there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may
lie in unrealistic, unreasonable emotional demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues or behaviors in one partner
or in the relationship. Key to resolving conflicts in healthy relationships are self-honesty, a willingness to consider your
partner’s perspective even if you don’t fully understand it, and communication, communication, communication!
Communication & Conflict Resolution
When people are asked what they consider the most important ingredients in a good relationship,
communication is typically high on the list. Yet rarely, if ever, are we actually taught HOW to communicate effectively. Healthy
communication and effective conflict resolution in a relationship involve not only being able to express ourselves clearly,
but also being able to really listen to what our partner is saying to us. Good listening is often a tricky skill that needs
to be learned and practiced. Particularly when there are important decisions regarding marriage, sex, career, and family to
be made, healthy communication is critical. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.
Understand Each
Others’
Family Patterns
Find out how conflicts were managed
in your partner’s family and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided!) in your own family. It is not unusual
for couples to discover that their families had very different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. When we
think about it, we often discover that our conflict resolution patterns have been influenced by what happened in our families.
(If your family wasn’t good at communicating or constructively resolving conflict, give yourself permission to try out
some new ways of handling things.)
Timing Counts: Sometimes
“Right Away” is not the “Best Way”
Research on happy couples suggests
that it is important that couples “time” their fights in the way that works best for them. Contrary to previous
notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not always be “right away” or even as soon as possible. It is
not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This “time-out” period can help you avoid
saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most
important. Remember—if you are angry with your partner but don’t yet know what you want, it will be nearly impossible
for your partner to figure it out!
Establish an Atmosphere
of
Emotional Support
Emotional support for each other
is critical. Emotional support means giving your partner the message that you’re behind him or her. This does not mean
agreeing with one another all the time. Realistically, no two people will agree on all occasions. What it does mean is doing
your best to treat your partner in a way that says, “I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out.”
Emotional support involves accepting
your partner’s differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them
met. An example might be when you want your partner to show love for you by spending free time with you, sharing and being
open, and paying attention to your concerns and needs. Of course these are important activities, but your partner may often
show his or her love by doing things—like sharing home responsibilities, bringing you gifts occasionally, discussing
the day’s events, or talking about books and movies that you’ve shared. Find out how your partner chooses to show
his or her love for you and don’t set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before
you’re satisfied. Remember, too, that the words “I love you—I like being in a relationship with you”
and “You’re important to me” are not demands and can be strong motivation for your partner to really listen
and respect your wishes.
Agree to Disagree and Move On
most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather
than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the
issue.
"Use Videotalk"
Most of us have periods of uncertainty
when we may not know what we want. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on
being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. Some people use the “videotalk” rule; they strive
to make “action requests” that an outside observer could see or hear on a videotape. This means saying “I
would like you to hold my hand more often” rather than the rather vague “I wish you were more affectionate.”
Hardest of all is sorting out the difference between things we “want” versus things we truly “need.”
For safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you four times
a day may really only be a “want.” Hoping that your partner will “read your mind” or figure out what
you want from vague “hints” often leads to mutual frustration if not to a fight.
Clarify Your Messages
A clear message:
Discuss One Thing at a Time
Starting out by talking about
one concern and then bringing up another when the first discussion is unfinished can also lead to problems. Do your best to
keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time, even if it is tempting to “list” other concerns or grievances.
Really Listen:
A "good
Listener" is an "Active" Listener
By “active,” we mean
that you (a) don’t interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own rebuttal
or response, and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: “I think you are
saying . . . .” Or “what I understood you to say was. . . .” This step alone can sometimes short circuit
a fight based on a misunderstanding.
Restrain Yourself
a prominent researcher in the area of enduring relationships, has found that couples who
“edit” themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest. He also
found that “softening” the beginning of a fight was important. In situations where one partner made a critical
or contemptuous comment “right off the bat,” the couple’s conflict escalated quickly.
Adopt a “Win-Win”
Position
A “win-win” stance
means that your goal is for the relationship rather than either partner to “win” in a conflict situation. This
may mean asking yourself: “Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we’ll
work this problem out?” If your partner feels bullied, out-talked, or otherwise the “loser” in a fight,
you may win the battle but lose ground in the relationship. A better approach may be to use “fair fighting” techniques.
A “fair fight” involves a step-by-step strategy for resolving conflict in which both partners negotiate a mutually
acceptable solution to a problem.
"Relationships are sometimes compared
to boating on a river: Both partners need to be paddling to stay on course."
Healthy & Problematic Expectations in Relationships
It is not unusual for relationship
conflicts to originate in the expectations or “shoulds” we hold regarding relationships. Each of us enters a romantic
relationship with our own unique hopes and expectations. We dream that this other person might perhaps be the “one”
for us. We have some notions about what we do and don’t want based on family relationships, what we’ve seen in
the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Sometimes our expectations of our partner or a relationship are unrealistic,
unfair, and even self-defeating. Such expectations may doom a relationship to be unsatisfying and eventually to fail. It may
be helpful to consider the following contrasts between healthy and problematic relationship expectations:
Respect Changes
It is healthy to anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time and important to respect
and value these changes. It is natural for feelings of love and passion to change with time as well. Love literally changes
brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship
will have a more complex and often richer type of passion than a new relationship.
Accept Diffferences
It is also difficult but healthy to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not
change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change
only in the ways we want, or we hope that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now
Express Wants & Needs
It is healthy to expect that
there are times when our partner won’t be able to “read our minds” and we will have to make the effort of
formulating and expressing needs and wishes. While it is easy (and convenient!) to assume that your partner knows your wants
and needs, this is often not the case and is the source of much stress in relationships.
Respect Your Partner’s Rights
In healthy relationships, there
is respect for each partner’s right to have her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is problematic
to expect or demand that that he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you or to expect that your partner
will “give up” other interests, activities, and friends “for the relationship.”
Be Prepared to “Fight
Fair”
Couples who view conflict as
a threat to the relationship and something to be avoided at all costs often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts
are the real threat. Healthy couples “fight,” but they “fight fair”—accepting responsibility
for their own part of a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and not resorting to verbal, physical, or emotional abuse.
“Maintain” the
Relationship
Most of us know that keeping
a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires not only regular re-fueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections
to the steering to compensate for changes in the road. A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may
work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to “cruise” without effort or active maintenance typically
leads to relationship “stall” (or “crash!”). Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often
the small nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keeps the relationship satisfying. Because these
behaviors are often small “corrections,” they are not always things we have observed in our parents’ or
others’ relationships.
Relationships benefit the most
when partners recognize the expectations they bring into the relationship and consider the different ways these expectations
are affecting the relationship. This task is often challenging for both partners. Nonetheless, amidst all the other challenges
of being a student, communicating about expectations and resolving differences in a way that works for both partners can help
couples build and maintain healthy romantic relationships during teenagers.
Outside Pressures
on the
Relationship
No relationship occurs in
a social vacuum:
There are always other “pulls”
on
your partner’s time and energies. Outside “pulls” typically include work, school, family,
friends, and
differences in personal or
cultural interests.
Differences in Background
Even partners coming from very
similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds may find it important to discuss their expectations of how a “good”
boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems “obvious” or “normal” to you may surprise your
partner and visa versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to
build your relationship. It may be important to take the time to learn about your partner’s cul-ture or religion, being
careful to “check out” what parts of such information actually “fit” for your partner.
Time Together & Apart
Time spent apart and time spent
together is a common relationship concern. You enjoy time together, but you also may enjoy time alone or with other friends.
If you interpret your partner’s time apart from you as, “he or she doesn’t care for me as much as I care
for him or her,” you may be headed for trouble by jumping to a premature conclusion. “Check out” with your
partner what time alone means and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together.
Perhaps you can reach a compromise where you get more time together while leaving your partner the freedom to be alone or
with others without your feeling rejected or neglected. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner’s needs,
usually ends up driving your partner away.
Your Partner’s Family
For most college students, their
families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people
find dealing with their partner’s family difficult or frustrating. You may wonder how you can have a good relationship
with them, or if you should even try! It can be helpful to take a mental step back and think about parental good intentions.
Let’s assume at the very beginning that most parents are concerned about their children and that they want to stay in
contact with them. Pro-blems sometimes arise when parents forget that their children are individuals with separate lives,
who are making their own decisions. People come from varied backgrounds, and families may offer well-intentioned advice about
your relationship or your partner. It’s important that the two of you discuss and agree how you want to respond to differing
family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense “suggestions” from family.
Friends
There are some people who seem
to believe that “If I’m in a relationship, I have to give up all my personal friends unless my partner likes them
as much as I do.” Giving up friends may not be healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your
friends pressure you to participate in activities such as drug or alcohol use that are damaging to yourself and the relationship.
Neither should it be assumed that your partner will enjoy your personal friends as much as you do. Just as with other areas
in a relationship, you can negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together. You might ask: “Which
of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I’m not with you?”
Talk with your partner about friendships with others, negotiate any concerns and recognize that each of you may need to continue
your friendships even when you are intimately in-volved with one another.
Relationships with
Special
Concerns/Challenges
Strong, loving relationships
come in many different forms. Cross-cultural or inter-racial couples, same- sex couples, relationships where one partner has
a disability, and long-distance relationships are but a few examples of relationships that involve additional challenges beyond
those discussed in this brochure.
Seven Basic Steps to Maintaining
a Good Relationship
1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the
relationship
2. Let one another know what your needs are.
3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all your needs. Some of these needs
will have to be met outside of the relationship.
4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another
5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the
differences between your ideal mate and the real person you are dating.
6. Try to see things from the other’s point of view. This doesn’t mean that
you must agree with one another all the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each other’s differences,
points of view, and separate needs.
7. Where critical differences
do exist in your expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional “coaching”
early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical.
e2 sariling salitah ko po tong parteng toh... wala pong perfectong tao kaya jst be you
but whenever and whoever is in a pinch jst plz be there for eachother behonest to the max to eachother dun let the distance
or other ppl get in the way and cost you to think of all negativities when there really are no such things as
negatives shit... jst do it jst be you do your best put some work and love in your relationship parang
nagluluto ka na rin kong ganyan pag d mo pinag iigihan ang pagluto d ka makakakuha ng tamang resulta kaya pagigihan
mo intindihin mo at ika ligaya mong may kasintahan kang mahal ka at mahal mo.......
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